By Gurney Poe

Alright, folks, gather ’round. It’s time we had a little chat about fashion. No, don’t roll your eyes at me. Yes, I can see you. From this fifth-dimensional perch, I can see everything. So, you might as well settle in and listen up. Today’s topic? Extradimensional fashion. That’s right, dressing to impress across all realities.

First off, let’s get one thing straight: fashion isn’t just about looking good. It’s about making a statement. It’s about saying, “Hey universe, I’m here, and I’m fabulous.” And trust me, when you’re hopping from one dimension to the next, you need to look the part. You don’t want to be caught in the wrong outfit in the wrong reality. It’s embarrassing. Trust me, I’ve seen it happen.

Now, let’s talk basics. The cornerstone of any extradimensional wardrobe is versatility. You need pieces that can adapt to various climates, time periods, and cultural norms. Think about it like this: you’re in ancient Rome one minute and the year 3000 the next. You need something that can transition seamlessly. Enter the timeless classic: the tunic. Don’t laugh. Tunics have been around forever for a reason. They’re comfortable, easy to wear, and can be dressed up or down depending on the occasion.

But let’s not stop at tunics. Layers are your best friend. Think of your outfit like a timeline: interconnected and complex. You’ve got your base layer (the tunic), your middle layer (a stylish vest or jacket), and your outer layer (a cloak or coat that screams “I’m important”). This way, you can peel off or add on layers as needed, adjusting to the environment without breaking a sweat. Literally.

Pockets. Yeah, pockets.

Now, for those of you who think fashion is all about form and not function, let me introduce you to the wonders of multi-pocketed attire. Yes, you heard me right. Pockets. You need pockets, and lots of them. You never know when you’re going to need to stash a temporal compass, a miniaturized toolkit, or a snack. I once saw Z Kooper pull a fully functional abacus out of his coat pocket. Why? Who knows. But he had it, and that’s what matters.

Speaking of Z, let’s not forget the importance of accessories. A hat, for instance, can be more than just a fashion statement. It can be a tool. Z’s fedora, for example, is iconic. It’s not just for style points; it’s a practical piece that provides shade, warmth, and a dash of mystery. Plus, it’s great for tipping to strangers in every era. And don’t get me started on scarves. They’re versatile, fashionable, and can double as a rope in a pinch.

But let’s dive a bit deeper into the sartorial specifics. Colors, for instance, are crucial. You need to be aware of what each color signifies in different dimensions. In one reality, purple might signify royalty. In another, it could mean you’re a criminal. You have to know your hues. My advice? Stick to neutrals with pops of color. Earth tones are usually safe bets, but a splash of red or blue can make you stand out in the right way. Just avoid green on Jupiter 7. Trust me.

Foot foot

Footwear is another essential element. You need shoes that are sturdy, comfortable, and stylish. Boots are usually the go-to. They protect your feet, look good with almost anything, and can withstand the wear and tear of interdimensional travel. Plus, they make a satisfying thud when you walk, which is always a bonus.

Now, I know what you’re thinking. “Gurney, this is all well and good, but where do I find such clothes?” Fear not, dear reader. Extradimensional thrift stores are a thing, and they’re fantastic. You can find pieces from every era, every reality, all under one roof. Just make sure you’ve got the local currency. Or a really good bartering skill.

And let’s not forget the pièce de résistance of any outfit: confidence. You can wear the finest silks from the Interstellar Bazaar or the most rugged leathers from the Viking markets, but if you don’t carry yourself with confidence, it’s all for naught. Walk like you own the place, even if you have no idea where you are. Chances are, no one else knows either, and confidence can be your greatest disguise.

To sum it all up, extradimensional fashion is about adaptability, functionality, and making a statement. It’s about understanding the nuances of different realities and dressing accordingly. It’s about having a wardrobe that can handle the unexpected twists and turns of interdimensional travel. And most importantly, it’s about having fun with it. Because at the end of the day, if you’re not enjoying yourself, what’s the point?

So go forth, my stylish wanderers, and conquer the multiverse with your impeccable fashion sense. Just remember, when in doubt, turn left. And always, always, check your pockets. You never know what you might find in there.